It’s another night.
Not sure when it’s gonna stop.
Day after night after day.
Same things to keep her alive, yet there’s change.
Never a day the same.
No idea when it will end.
It’s a battle; it’s a war. Like nothing I’ve felt before
Hideous coupled with beauty.
Can I do one moment more?
Help me, Jesus. I feel so frail.
Some days I can take on the world; some days there’s no strength.
What can I do? Will you fail
To supply me, protect me and provide
How much longer, Jesus?
You know. You prayed. You cried. You ached.
Til the tears became blood. You asked
Is there another way?
I want out, God. Please. And you breathed.
Then you waved the white flag.
Surrender. Release. Not my will but yours be the one
That is done here. I give up my way
To do it Your way.
Whatever it takes. Whatever it costs. It’s your day.
Then He sent angels. He gave you the strength
To be horribly broken. And to lose him.
Now because of you I choose
To trust the one who’s sending me angels
Rides, medications, food
Prayers, money, presence and O2
You name it, we got it
All because of you.
Now I don’t get it
Never would have asked for it
I hate it, miss my babies, my cat,
Miss my husband, miss all that I had
But this blessing in curses is worth it
Because I follow you in your service
Taking on the cross for a purpose
You loved me enough to bleed
What else can I do but receive and give that kind of love
To the people around me in need?
It’s not easy, it’s not a comfort thing.
No, it costs you everything
Yet you give and you get
More than you ever could know or expect
The treasure in hell
Is seeing the curse lose its power
Reversed. Doing God’s will instead of destruction
And twisted wreckage becomes blessings.
It’s not about me. Not comfort, not God aiming to please me
It’s greater than that. He’s aiming for glory.
Far above what I see. Joy and wonder.
He’s for me.
He’s with me through fire, through flood, through hurricane.
Though my bones may be snapped
Though my brain is one step from insane.
He’s holding me up, weeping, counting the tears.
Sees every hurt caused by indifference
Advice, and well-meaning ignorance.
He gets it. He’s there. Our Savior suffered
Still does. With us.
I can’t hold on. So he does. For me.
So one day I will see him in glory.
The tears water something greater. Touch something higher.
It’s like we’re walking through fire.
Burning all false desire.
Making me in his image. Painful? Yes. But it’s worth it.
Won’t ever deserve it.
Because you went first, and you’re with me
I’ll do it.
Sustain this shell of your daughter
While I’m held by my Father.
Give me faith to endure it
And believe that it’s worth it.
Abiding 
Again, I thank you for sharing your heart and our soul and your pain. Againt, I thank you for your amazing, God given transparency. I see my prayers for you and your family being answered! I have been praying, that as you experience pain, loss and tremendous frustration, that you will turn towards your Lord and Savior and relie on Him to carry you through this agonizing time. You post, shows that this is exactly what you are doing. You are dying daily to yourself and turning to Him for strength and endurance to carry you through this dreadful time. I firmly believe that your Lord will and in fact already is blessing this time. Your children, as they see you turn towards your Lord in the midst of pain and sorrow, will have a deeper and closer relationship with their Lord. They will understand from your example, what it means to deny theirselves, take up their cross and to follow their Lord. God is at work in your family!